Accelerated Hypnotherapy – Rapid Results

Here is it means when you’re so emotionally triggered by your partner that you shut down and stop responding altogether.

This is what happens with persistent conflict with your partner, especially if you’ve entered the area of criticism and defensiveness as a response.

When you”re responding with contempt and stonewalling, the end of your relationship is near.

Let’s take a look at what happens in stonewalling from a neuroscience point of view.

Stonewalling happens in conflict, when one partner shuts down because they feel overwhelmed or physiologically flooded.

If you’ve experienced relationship conflict, your brain starts to notice a pattern.

There’s a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) which has been developed to pick up patterns.

By the second time you’ve had a similar conflict, your brain has dialed in on the pattern.

What you might notice when you get into that same conflict, you become triggered more easily over time. It’s like your partner says something or you say something to your partner and immediately you’re emotionally triggered.

Your brain knows the pattern, it’s got the responses, the whole routine ready.

Even though that pattern might be painful to the brain, it’s part of survival. It knows that this pattern is “relatively” safe, meaning you’re not going to die from it. I knows that it’s going to be an incredibly painful but it will survive it and that’s perfectly okay from an evolutionary point of view. Anything is better than the unknown according to your brain.

So now when the conflict starts, you’re so emotionally flooded and set off by your partner you jump in with criticism or contempt. You may get defensive or experience a flooding of overwhelming emotion and you just shut down and you stop responding to your partner.

What’s happening in your brain from a neuroscience perspective is that those emotions are taking the logical rational part of your brain offline so you can’t access the rational, logical faculties.

You’re feeling so much emotion and it’s so overwhelming that you just sit there like a deer in the headlights. You just have no response or you just want to get away. You’ve lost lose access to the parts of the brain that make good, sound decisions when you’re flooded emotionally.

If this happens you can communicate to your partner that you need a break and that you will be back, giving your partner that reassurance that you will be back to discuss things when you’ve settled your emotions.

It’s better to continue when the logical, rational part of your brain, that can actually hold a conversation, is back online.

If you’re noticing any of these behaviors, criticism, defensiveness (because you feel like you’re being attacked with criticism and you feel like you have to defend yourself)…

If you’re feeling contempt and you’ve lost respect for your partner or in return you’re shutting down emotionally and/or physically…

These are actually four signs of divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling.

Marriage researcher John Gottman calls them the Four Horsemen. The four signs that your relationship is heading for breakup.

A lot of couples think of couples therapy when the four horsemen have settled into the relationship, but it’s extremely challenging at this point if your brain has locked these patterns of relating in. These patterns of conflict create physical pathways in your brain.

Once your brain locks in the pattern of conflict, it starts to becomes a habit, the pathway in your brain becomes a ditch that is easier to fall into every time conflict arises.

The pattern becomes very difficult to reverse but it can be done.

Obviously couples can recover, that’s what couples therapy is all about but if your partner won’t go to couples therapy or you just don’t have the time for it, you can use hypnosis to resolve what is really going on.

You may be having conflicts that aren’t resolvable with your conscious mind. If they’re persistent or you resolve them but they keep coming back, in slightly different versions of the same conflict…

If the way of interacting around these conflicts is continuing because you’ve got one way of thinking about this conflict and your partner has another way of thinking and nobody’s budging on their position…

As a result, you have persistent conflicts.

I want you to know that this is normal!

Two out of three conflicts are not resolvable.

Two out of every three conflicts that you have with your partner are not resolvable. There will be no resolution.

That means that for every conflict that you do resolve, there’s going to be twice as many that you can’t resolve. These issues will keep coming up over the course of your relationship.

Often, the result of these conflicts not being resolved is that you start to feel resentment. You start to feel that your position is the right one and that’s when you enter into those four signs of a breakup.

Feeling like your position is the right one (and your partner’s wrong) can often lead to criticism and a defensive reaction to criticism, especially if there’s all this emotion wrapped around everything.

Why you can’t resolve some conflict

It’s hard to have a logical conversation when you’re emotional. In fact it’s almost impossible to access the logical rational part of your brain when you’re feeling emotional.

If the conflict is persistent, you might not be able to resolve these conflicts with the conscious part of your brain.

You may need to access the subconscious part of your mind because it contains all the resources, all the answers

Your unconscious mind takes in millions of bits of information every second and stores it in memory.

It picks up nuances, details that you don’t notice at the level of your conscious mind. Then it never forgets. It always remembers every single second of all that information, including all the information that you’re not even aware of. You can access all that information to solve what’s going on in your relationship.

With hypnosis, we connect you to the most resourceful state to resolve what’s really going on in your relationship. Whatever is really going on for you in your relationship. There may be something specific to your personality and your history that’s going on for you inside of these conflicts.

Often the conflict, the criticism, the contempt are symptoms of feeling invalidated, underappreciated, and not acknowledged.

If you’re noticing these signs of breakup and they’ve been persisting for longer than 30 days, it might time to do something different. If you have not been able to resolve the conflict at the level of your conscious mind, it’s time to access all the answer that your subconscious mind has waiting for you.

You want to get your brain out of that pattern of conflict.

You can do that so effectively and easily with hypnosis becase the answers are already there.

All the resources, all the answers to resolving what’s happening right now.

You can resolve pattern of conflict in your relationship. You can do this on your own with hypnosis and have a breakthrough in your relationship .

One of the ways to avoid a breakup in the first place is to not let this resentment build up or continue.

If you are more easily triggered emotionally and your brain is starting to see a definite pattern..

If you’re feeling resentment, unappreciated, invalidated, and you’re being not acknowledged in your relationship, work on that at the level of your subconscious mind.

That’s where you will find all the answers you’ve been looking for.