Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?

If it wasn’t you wouldn’t be here reading this.

When your marriage feels stuck in the past, it’s hard to know what to do next. You might be feeling hopeless and triggered AF. Maybe you’ve had the same fight over and over. And now you’re wondering—is your relationship even worth saving?

Not all relationships last. But some can grow stronger, even after hard seasons, if both people are willing to show up and do the work.

Here’s how your marriage still has a chance.

Focus on You, Not Your Partner

You don’t fix a relationship byfocusing on your partner and what they need to change.

What you need to realize is that you’re the one reading this, looking for change, not your partner. Like most men, therapy is probably the last thing they want to do.

Real change starts with you looking inward. You can change the dance because the steps you take change your partners steps, even if your partner doesn’t want to go to couples therapy. Maybe he’s on to something because emotions can’t be fixed by talking about them. That’s why you keep going to therapy, because of all the unresolved emotions that talk therapy can’t resolve with the conscious mind.

When one person begins to regulate emotions or shift patterns, it affects the whole relationship. I want you to consider that it might be the only thing that you need. and in reality, it’s the only thing you can control. What you do. The steps you take.

Longitudinal studies show that women in individual therapy felt more satisfied in their marriages—even without couples counseling because women who effectively downregulated negative emotions (e.g., through self-soothing or reframing) reported higher marital satisfaction over time, and downregulation of negative emotions during conflict discussions predicted marital satisfaction.

Personal growth impacts relationships by enabling individuals to manage conflict-related emotions internally, fostering self-reassurance and reducing reliance on external validation. If you take responsibility for your emotional well-being, you’re creating space for a whole new dance, and when you change your dance, the whole relationship will shift.

You’re the one seeking help, this means that you’re the one who will benefit most from it.

Describe, Don’t Express Emotions

Work on your own emotional resilience so you can calm your own emotions. Communication is not a full blown expression of your feelings. Ain’t nobody wants to be on the receiving end of that, not even you.

When you’re working through conflict in a relationship, learn to self-soothe your emotions, when you’re calm you can then describe what happened with vulnerability, how you felt hurt, instead of expressing full-blown emotions. Look to the past to see how that doesn’t work.

Part of the problem is you’re triggered AF, and need to resolve the emotions, where they exists, at the subconscious level.

Heal Your Past

Everyone carries emotional baggage. That’s normal.

Focus on your own healing.

This doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means staying present with the pain, without letting it take up your entire future by staying stuck in anxiety and hopelessness.

Research shows that forgiveness helps increases relationship satisfaction by reducing negative conflict (psychological aggression, negative communication) and increasing relational effort (positive communication).

Forgiveness mediated conflict by lowering avoidance, retaliation, and negative behaviors, with longitudinal data. Forgiveness reduced negative conflict patterns by 20–30% in couples, enhancing satisfaction.

Holding on to the past is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die. It is only hurting you. I know this might seem impossible to forgive but it can give you true freedom.

Uncertainty Can Be a Sign to Reflect, Not Quit

It’s normal to feel unsure. That doesn’t mean the relationship is over.

Take this time to look more closely—at yourself, your patterns within the relationship. I can almost bet that these are your maladaptive relationshp patterns, your partner is not the first to fit into your patterns and all the ways you’re feeling.

Even if you’re feeling hopeless and triggered AF, you might have even lost your sense of self, and may have even started identifying with the trauma you’ve experienced.

Here’s the thing.

You can put your past into the past and create possibilities for a whole new future.

Something new is possible—maybe even better than what was there before. 💃🚀

Let’s connect.

Reviews

When your marriage feels stuck in the past, it’s hard to know what to do next. You might be feeling hopeless and triggered AF. Maybe you’ve had the same fight over and over. And now you’re wondering—is your relationship even worth saving?

Not all relationships last. But some can grow stronger, even after hard seasons, if both people are willing to show up and do the work.

Here are four signs your marriage still has a chance.

Focus on You, Not Your Partner

You don’t fix a relationship by fixing “the couple.” Real change starts with you looking inward. You can change the dance because the steps you take change your partners steps, even if your partner doesn’t want to go to couples therapy. Maybe he’s on to something because emotions can’t be fixed by talking about them. That’s why you keep going to therapy, because of all the unresolved emotions that talk therapy can’t resolve with the conscious mind.

When one person begins to regulate emotions or shift patterns, it affects the whole relationship. I want you to consider that it might be the only thing that you need. and in reality, it’s the only thing you can control. What you do. The steps you take.

Longitudinal studies show that women in individual therapy felt more satisfied in their marriages—even without couples counseling because women who effectively downregulated negative emotions (e.g., through self-soothing or reframing) reported higher marital satisfaction over time, and downregulation of negative emotions during conflict discussions predicted marital satisfaction.

Personal growth impacts relationships by enabling individuals to manage conflict-related emotions internally, fostering self-reassurance and reducing reliance on external validation. If you take responsibility for your emotional well-being, you’re creating space for a whole new dance, and when you change your dance, the whole relationship will shift.

You’re the one seeking help, this means that you’re the one who will benefit most from it.

Describe, Don’t Express Emotions

Work on your own emotional resilience so you can calm your own emotions. Communication is not a full blown expression of your feelings. Ain’t nobody wants to be on the receiving end of that, not even you.

When you’re working through conflict in a relationship, learn to self-soothe your emotions, when you’re calm you can then describe what happened with vulnerability, how you felt hurt, instead of expressing full-blown emotions. Look to the past to see how that doesn’t work.

Part of the problem is you’re triggered AF, and need to resolve the emotions, where they exists, at the subconscious level.

Heal Your Past

Everyone carries emotional baggage. That’s normal.

Focus on your own healing.

This doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means staying present with the pain, without letting it take up your entire future by staying stuck in anxiety and hopelessness.

Research shows that forgiveness helps increases relationship satisfaction by reducing negative conflict (psychological aggression, negative communication) and increasing relational effort (positive communication).

Forgiveness mediated conflict by lowering avoidance, retaliation, and negative behaviors, with longitudinal data. Forgiveness reduced negative conflict patterns by 20–30% in couples, enhancing satisfaction.

Holding on to the past is like eating poison and expecting the other person to die. It is only hurting you. I know this might seem impossible to forgive but it can give you true freedom.

Uncertainty Can Be a Sign to Reflect, Not Quit

It’s normal to feel unsure. That doesn’t mean the relationship is over.

Take this time to look more closely—at yourself, your patterns within the relationship. I can almost bet that these are your maladaptive relationshp patterns, your partner is not the first to fit into your patterns and all the ways you’re feeling.

Even if you’re feeling hopeless and triggered AF, you might have even lost your sense of self, and may have even started identifying with the trauma you’ve experienced.

Here’s the thing.

You can put your past into the past and create possibilities for a whole new future.

Something new is possible—maybe even better than what was there before.

Let’s connect.

Reviews