What Is Destructive Entitlement

Destructive entitlement is when the betrayed partner feels like they are entitled to behavior that is destructive to the relationship—because they have been hurt so deeply by infidelity or betrayal—that they justify harmful behavior toward their partner.

It shows up as criticism, control, withholding affection, shaming, and reactivity. I have observed this with clients who have stayed with their partner after infidelity or betrayal. Their wounds and feeling of abandonment and betrayal are still so overwhelming that they feel entitled to remind their partners how much they’ve been hurt so their partner NEVER forgets.

Why It Happens After Betrayal

Betrayal creates deep wounds that do not heal with time because it affects feelings of trust and safety in the present moment. In the chaos, the betrayed partner wants the other person to get how they are feeling—to suffer too.

I get it. You don’t want your partner to ever forget the hurt they caused you.

You have every right to remind them of the hurt they cause you so they never cheat again.

But when the focus stays on punishment instead of healing, it becomes a cycle that damages both people. and ultimately, your relationship.

How It Can Ruin the Relationship

Even if the couple stays together, destructive entitlement can keep the relationship stuck in the past. By bringing up the betrayal, the betrayed partner stays stuck, replaying the betrayal over and over. The partner who hurt them may shut down, withdraw, leaving both feeling hopeless.

Intrusive thoughts and intense feelings keep you stuck in your trauma. You have every right to keep reminding your partner about the trauma but remembering is not recovering.

You can be right or you can be related.

What Healing Looks Like Instead

Healing means letting go of destructive entitlement.

You’re right.

You’re hurt, betrayed, feeling hopeless.

You’ve lost a sense of yourself.

But being right will keep you stuck.

That doesn’t mean forgetting the betrayal—it means working with it in a way that creates space for change.

And you can do this, even if your partner doesn’t want to go to couples therapy.

Here’s the thing.

You’re the one reading this.

You’re the one looking for change.

You’re need to let the past go. Not for them.

For you.

When to Get Help

If you feel stuck, triggered AF and feel need to punish your partner, you’re not alone. That’s a sign of trauma.

You’re a bad person. You’re in pain.

Accelerated Hypnotherapy can give you the clarity to help you resolve the trauma so you can see clearly and can whether you want to rebuild the relationship or leave it.