How to Overcome Destructive Entitlement and Build Trust, Even If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Go To Couple’s Therapy

Ever felt triggered AF after Couples Therapy?

You’re talking about your trauma, talking about the past, writing a 17-page letter to your partner about the betrayal – but not sending it but feeling all the feels of the original betrayal.

You’re feeling resentful AF.

What is destructive entitlement in relationships?

Sometimes, it’s a feeling of injustice. And it can show up as something called destructive entitlement.

Destructive entitlement happens when you’re carrying pain from past relationships—partners, ex-partners. It might even remind you of pain from your early childhood.

You expect your current partner to pay for it – whether or not they were the one who betrayed you.

It’s not always conscious.

But it will run your life.

Into the ground.

Fairness feels impossible when the past is still present

When betrayal trauma is still active and wounds are still open, fairness stops feeling mutual.

One partner might feel like they’re constantly giving and not getting enough in return. The other might feel like they can’t ever do enough. This imbalance makes trust hard to rebuild—because one person is protecting old pain while the other feels punished for things they didn’t do.

What fairness really means in couples therapy

Fairness isn’t always 50/50. In couples therapy, fairness often means unpacking where expectations come from. Is it about the present, or are you fighting ghosts from the past? Learning to spot destructive entitlement gives couples a chance to pause and ask: Am I asking for something that fits this relationship—or something I never got back then?

How therapy helps rebuild trust and restore reciprocity

Therapy doesn’t take sides. It helps both individuals slow down and look at how power, care, and responsibility are playing out. When destructive entitlement is acknowledged, it doesn’t have to rule the relationship. Couples can start finding language for what’s fair now—not just what was missing then.

Why it’s so hard to move forward without naming the hurt

Until the injustice is named and felt, it keeps distorting the present. Couples therapy creates a space to talk about what still hurts, without making your partner responsible for fixing the past. That’s where trust starts to rebuild—not with perfect behavior, but with shared understanding and emotional accountability.

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