Betrayal trauma and the need for the truth

When you’ve been betrayed, the thing you want most desperately is the truth.

You replay events in your head, trying to piece things together, hoping that if the cheater just admitted what they did, you’d be able to heal and move on.

It get it.

Betrayal shatters your sense of reality, and your brain is wired to tie up all the loose ends between what you thought was true and what actually happened.

You’re confused AF and this is one way to get clarity.

But here’s the thing.

Don’t make your recovery depend on what the betrayer chooses to reveal.

Because you might be waiting a loooong time.

Why waiting for a full confession keeps you stuck

If you think that calling a liar out is going to stop them from lying, you might be lying to yourself.

The truth will trickle out. They will minimize. Deny. Give you half-truths depending on what they think you already know.

But to expect the full truth from someone who has betrayed you might just be setting yourself up for more disappointment.

If you’re expecting a confessional, you may be waiting a long time.

While you are waiting for someone else to do the right thing, you will be stuck in the trauma.

Even if you do get all the deets, you will probably still be stuck in the aftermath of the betrayal.

Why your healing can’t depend on them

Recovery from betrayal trauma is about staying in your lane.

You don’t need the cheater to validate that what happened was real, with all the painful details. You already know what you know.

You already feel it.

Healing begins as soon as you shift the focus back to you.

The more you look outside yourself to others for the answers, the longer it will take.

You can’t control what they do or don’t do.

You can only control what’s in your lane and how you move forward.

The shift that brings freedom

The moment you decide that your healing doesn’t require anything from anyone is the moment you start to get your life back.

I’m not saying honesty isn’t a good thing, especially in betrayal but tbh how will you ever really know if they’re telling you the truth or not.

It’s not about hiring a PI to get the facts, it’s about focusing on yourself now and figuring out how you’re going to be congruent with your decision to move forward.

Continue Reading: When the truth still isn’t enough after betrayal