How Lost Myself Long Before I Lost Him (Here’s How to Get Her Back)

Let’s take a look at why it’s so hard to leave a high-value man.

On the other hand, if you’re with a washed up, lying piece of shit, it’d be a no-brainer to leave, right?

Well, not so fast.

It might be even harder to leave that broke-ass piece of shit because of who you’ve become—which is nowhere near who you used to be, or who you really are authentically.

Let’s look at a couple situations, a client and then mine.

One of my clients was totally independent, making her own money—this was back in the day when women didn’t really do that.

So here’s a woman that’s totally independent, got her own stuff going on, and she settles for someone that’s not quite up to her level because he loved her so much.

He travelled a lot and would come home, throw his suitcase on the floor, and would just not contribute in any way.

He took so much of her that she lost her sense of self.

She lost that connection with the powerful woman that she actually was because she stopped listening to her intuition.

Recognizing the Physical Toll of Extreme Gaslighting

Just like I did.

I stopped listening to my intuition and was so far away from myself.

I was with a high-value guy but I was getting these intuitive hits—listening to everybody else except myself.

Listening to friends that are trying to reassure you, listening to the guy that is gaslighting you—the guy that knows exactly what’s going on and is making you question yourself so he can keep things on the DL.

Sometimes to the point where an actual client got an STD, and when she asks her partner who’s been running around town, has been in the streets, who’s for the streets… he gaslights her into thinking it must have been something about her and what she was doing.

It got to the point where she was questioning her reality, even though on another level, she knew exactly what was going on.

At the subconscious level, she knew exactly what was going down, but her body was trapped inside a mind that kept rationalizing.

And rationalizing means trying to justify irrational behaviour with reasons that are plausible.

This keeps you in tolerating and accepting bad behaviour.

My client got cancer twice. And that lying piece of shit husband never picked up a finger to take care of her.

And that’s how hard it is to leave a man that’s a piece of crap, that’s for the streets.

This is really how hard it is to leave a lying piece of shit. A broke-ass piece of shit that’s for the streets, that doesn’t lift a finger to help you even when you’re going through cancer twice.

If you throw in emotional abuse and trauma-bonding, it will feel down right impossible.

High-Value Men, Gaslighting, and Secure Attachment Confusion

So to leave a high-value man?

Even tougher because you get the vacations, you get the best hotels, you get the clothes, you get the shoes, you get the bags.

But deep down inside, you know something’s up.

You can feel it.

There have been things that have not been adding up.

But you’re willing to accept that 2+2=5 because he’s gaslighting you.

You’re not sure what’s going on, but something’s not right.

This is not because you are anxious or you have an anxious attachment, and you’re all messed up from all of the other relationships so you can’t even think straight.

I’m talking about when you have secure attachment.

Secure attachment makes it even worse. You miss the red flags.

Because when you have secure attachment, you just trust people.

You are so secure within yourself, and this guy is coming across tooting his own horn, calling himself high-value (which a true high-value man would never do, btw).

He is confusing the F out of you with his behavior that doesn’t match up to his words.

Those little hits that you get from your intuition that are screaming at you, telling you there’s something wrong here.

Something’s afoot.

D-Day: Trusting Your Intuition

My D-Day started when I found receipts, actual Victoria’s Secret receipts.

My ex had given me lingerie for Christmas. I live in Canada and it’s freezing, so I didn’t want lingerie for Christmas. I wanted a fuzzy robe and some fuzzy slippers.

My intuition told me exactly where the receipt was.

I was walking in my ex’s hallway, and my intuition said, “Stop right now and look up.” I looked up, and I saw a blue box on the top of a shelf that I had never noticed before. “Yeah, that box right there. Bring it down.”

I Iooked in the box I saw the Victoria’s Secret receipt.

My intuition said, “Yeah, that’s the receipt right there. Bring it out and take a picture of it.” So I took a pic, and a put the box back up.

Later that day when I went home, I looked at the receipt. My intuition had showed me exactly where this receipt was for that pink frilly thing that he had purchased for me.

But, it also had the same pink thing in an extra small and a large.

A big but.

Finally Realizing the Truth on D-Day

If your first thought was like mine, “Oh, maybe he made a mistake.”

Because of the conscious mind trying to override what you know in your heart.

Because when you’re making a purchase online, you know how much it is gonna cost. You know that this thing should be 100 bucks, not $300. My ex had purchased a lot of things online, so he knew what he was doing.

At that moment of realization, everything that was sus that I had brought up to him and he had gaslit me about, everything flashed through my mind like a little movie montage. And I knew that he had been cheating.

And everything inside of this new context of “he’s cheating”—everything that I had questioned made sense now.

I had this shitty feeling that took over my body, and I felt like I was burning up.

It’s this burning sensation in your body where all of those neurons are firing up in your brain and all over your body as your mind catches up to what your body already knew all this time.

I went to bed that night feeling betrayed and confused AF.

That night I had a dream.

In my dream, I called Victoria’s Secret.

So guess what I did when I woke up?

I called Victoria’s Secret.

There were three different orders, almost $800 worth of lingerie, 14 different things, of which I only received one.

So this man presented himself as the most highly ethical person.

I don’t really trust people like that, and now I know why. They come across as so ethical, and holier-than-thou, and “you got to be crazy to even ask me about that,” and “how could you even think that?”

And they gaslight you and you’re so confused, you don’t even know who to believe anymore.

You wake up and find yourself so far away trusting yourself and being able to hear your own intuition.

From Victim to Empowered Choice

Well, here’s the more empowered way to say that: you have allowed them to gaslight you and have tolerated the all the sus.

Because if you realize that you have allowed this, then you get choice back.

And that day I decided. And the moment you decide you’re not a victim and it was always within your power.

Even if like one of trauma-bonded clients, highly organized network of criminals love-bombed you, mirrored you, preyed on your vulnerabilities, and future faked your ass off.

As soon you take responsibility for your part, you get your power back.

Then you can actually choose to begin listening to your own intuition, and actually respond to what it has been trying to tell you all along.

Why Traditional Talk Therapy Fail Trauma

When I am in crisis, I used to go to talk therapy, ’cause that’s all I knew how to do.

And I was feeling so bad and betrayed that I had to go three times a week, and sometimes I had to call the emergency hotline because my brain was on fire – in that emotional part of my brain.

It caught on fire on D-Day and nothing works when your brain is on fire.

Couples therapy is like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it.

What I didn’t realize was that talking about the betrayal was reinforcing all of this distress in my brain.

Even though I kept talking about how bad I was feeling and how confused I was, trying to figure out what had happened wasn’t giving me the clarity that I was hoping for.

More information wasn’t really resolving the feelings in my body the way that I wanted to feel.

This is when my clients find me—after they’ve been doing talk therapy, meditation, yoga, breathing, all the things.

Sometimes it’s after they’ve had a bad trip on psychedelics, because psychedelics don’t necessarily illuminate the shadows. They amply them—whatever is in your subconscious.

For people with trauma, psychedelics make the shadows even darker.

One of my clients said, psychedelics are great until they are horrible.

And this is when my clients find me.

When they are in the dark and all the things they’ve been trying haven’t been able to pull them out of dark places.

Reconnecting With Your Intuition Through Accelerated Hypnotherapy

Through the process of Accelerated Hypnotherapy, my clients get tuned in to their intuition, and their intuition starts showing them things.

Like one of my clients, when someone returned her husband’s laptop while he was away on “work.” She found five years of his messages to other women that confirmed what she already knew at a subconscious level.

If you want rediscover who you really are, re-connect with your intuition so you can trust yourself again,

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