Everything you’ve been told about trauma recovery is probably making it worse.

The one thing blocking your progress isn’t what you think it is—and is probably going to go against everything you’re currently doing to try to do right now to recover from betrayal trauma.

If you’ve been stuck for a while because these mainstream trauma therapy are just not getting you across the line, I am going to show you the neuroscience about the one thing that’s blocking your progress if you’ve experienced betrayal trauma.

Why Traditional Trauma Recovery Methods Might Be Holding You Back

Let’s take a closer look at why therapy stalls and isn’t quite able to get you across the line.

I’ve been traveling in Iceland. I soaked in geothermal pools and did a road trip from Copenhagen through Sweden to Norway, and I was learning about new concepts from a book by Félix Guattari and Gilles Deleuze, called A Thousand Plateaus.

I’m gonna apply some of these concepts to betrayal trauma. So let me know what you think in the comments.

The Limits of Talk Therapy for Deep Psychological Healing

What happens in talk therapy is that you’re trying to understand why, to get insights, to get more self-knowledge and more self-awareness, through the means of bringing what is unconscious and what you’re not aware of, up into your conscious awareness.

One of the problems of focusing on knowing why is that it put the focus on paying attention to what’s not working.

And don’t get me wrong, because I have done my fair share of therapy, but knowing why is bringing your attention and paying attention to digging deeper into what’s not working and why it’s not working to try to get insights.

I get it, you think that there’s gonna be some freedom in knowing why.

In betrayal trauma, we wanna know why we feel bad, because we can’t shake it, it overpowers us and keeps us feeling stuck.

But this is a little bit like if you felt bad physically for the past year, and then you find out why, and maybe it’s because you have cancer.

Knowing why might give you the answers, but it doesn’t give you exactly what you’re looking for.

In fact, knowing why you feel bad probably then probalby creates even more distress than what you were feeling before you knew why.

And now you’re feeling bad about feeling bad and feeling even worse about why you’ve been feeling bad.

And now you have a whole ‘notha level and stuff to feel bad about.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma and the Trap of the “Trickly Truth”

If you’re experienced betrayal and now you’re trying to find out why you’ve been having problems in your relationship, at work, in your life, and then you go digging up the pain of the past because you want to understand why, because you think you need to know everything. You think that your recovery depends on knowing everything that your partner did and why he did it.

And here’s the thing, if your recovery depends on something that someone else will do or not do, you might be stuck for a long time.

If you are actually paying for therapy where you try to dig up all the pain and you are forcing the person who has cheated on you to go to couples therapy with you, you might have noticed that’s the last thing a cheater wants to do is to be confronted with what they did in the past.

They kept it secret for a reason.

They will probably just go along with things because you want them to or maybe it feels like an ultimatum.

Bit we all know that real change comes from within. It’s not because someone’s making you go to therapy that you’re all of a sudden gonna stop cheating and totally come clean.

In fact, this is why we get trickle truth, these little bits of new information that are shared because they feel cornered.

But they don’t make you feel better, do they?

Why Digging Up the Past Causes Overwhelm and Trickle Truth

So you want to find out what has happened, and you’re secretly hoping that the therapist will be on your side and help get all the facts from the cheater.

This is exactly what clients do before they’ve find me.

They are searching in a dumpster fire for the truth to find out what has happened and why and it is taking them down because they don’t get freedom from that information.

It actually makes them feel worse, it makes things more complex. And how do you know when a cheater is telling you the truth anyway, and if he’s telling the full truth?

And this is exactly why you keep getting trickle truth, because they don’t really wanna tell you, they were doing it behind your back for a reason.

And every time they share a little more with you, you keep experiencing discovery day over and over again, so that you have to start healing again from that day that you discovered something new about all the shitty things he did to you and your relationship.

It makes you feel worse when you dig up all the pain that you didn’t know about, and now you’re feeling bad about your relationship, your work, your life, and you’re also feeling bad about what happened in the past that you didn’t know before. It’s f#&king hurtful.

And we all know that the past is something that we can’t go back and change anyway.

What it does is to create hypervigilance and it will cause you to be triggered as fuck as you wonder what else you are going to find out. It causes this complex feeling of bad even worse.

The Neuroscience of Trauma: How Re-living Pain Rewires Your Brain

And this is the model of talk therapy, where you actually pay to go back every week to dig up more of the past, and you focus on why you’re feeling bad.

These people have a hammer called let’s talk about it to death, and every problem is a nail.

And don’t get me wrong, because this is something that I did three times a week after I found out that my ex was cheating but after months of therapy I still thought that everyone was lying to me. Everyone.

I didn’t trust nobody.

From a neuroscience perspective, what this is doing, talking about why you’re feeling bad, talking about the past, it’s actually reinforcing the neural pathways of feeling bad into multiple layers of feeling bad.

Literally multiple layers of something called a myelin a covering on your nerve cells that increase the speed an efficiency of impulses.

Every time you feel bad, every time you think about what’s going on, every time that you go back and revisit the past, you literally put another layer on, making feeling bad more efficient.

Feels that way doesn’t it?

How Relationship Betrayal Spreads to Work, Money, and Safety

Because that feeling bad about the past starts to affect what’s happening now.

And what happens with trauma is that usually it starts in one area, like betrayal in your relationship, and then it starts to spread to other areas of your life.

So if you’ve experienced some form of betrayal by someone who you trusted, like a partner, it might have started there, but what happens is that you start to isolate, so you’re not seeing your friends or your family, and you’re not doing the things that you used to love to do.

The trauma is taking away your ability to experience joy that you once felt about your hobbies and your passions.

And eventually what happens is that trauma starts to affect your money, your job, your career, it starts to affect the way you show up at work, and your sense of security and your sense of safety because you outer world starts to reflect what’s happening in your inner world of random flashback, intrusive thoughts, and bad feelings in your body.

Why You Can’t Find the Single Root Cause of Complex Trauma

Another problem with thinking about problems this way is that you think that if you find out what the root cause is, if you dig up enough and you get to the root cause, that you’re gonna be able to take down the whole tree and you will feel better.

If you haven’t been able to solve all the problems that have been caused by the betrayal and you’re still stuck in trauma, with all this knowing and all the insights and all the understanding and all the work that you’ve been doing to dig up the past…

Here’s the thing.

If you could have solved the problem at the conscious level, you would have figured it out already.

The real problem is that you’re looking at the problem like it even has a root cause, maybe it doesn’t!

And that’s why you can’t find it.

You think that betrayal is like a tree and you’re looking for that main root. And you think that when you get to the big why, you think that you’re gonna get this big aha moment, and that everything will topple over.

The Bamboo Analogy: Healing the Acentric Nature of Emotional Pain

What no one is talking about is that complex problems are not like trees in the first place.

They don’t have a single root cause that if you find it, you’ll resolve all your problems.

Betrayal trauma is more like bamboo.

If you try to cut down bamboo, it doesn’t really make a difference because there is this whole mess of roots that are growing below the surface in multidimensional layers.

So you can keep digging things but it’s not just one root.

It’s a tangled CF that is acentric.

Betrayal trauma is acentric, meaning there’s no single center or controlling part that if you find it and cut it out, it will fix the problem.

Betrayal trauma is not linear. Your problem hasn’t grown in a linear way, like straight up and down with roots.

These problems were created beyond language, beyond logic, beyond conscious awareness. This is why when you’re talking about what happened, using language, and trying to use logic and conscious awareness and to dig things up, it’s not working.

You’re going around in circles because that’s not how these problems were created in the first place.

These problems were created outside of your conscious awareness.

The bad feelings that are keeping you stuck were created outside outside of your conscious control, and it doesn’t make sense that you’ve been working on this problem for months, maybe even years and your emotions are hyperactive, you’re hypervigilant, and you’re hypersensitive now.

Some of my clients had been working on these problems for decades before they found me.

One client is in their 70s and had experienced trauma since childhood, tried doing all the things and was just one session away.

These types of complex problems were created without language or conscious awareness, without a structure that makes sense that you can tackle in a logical or linear way.

It’s just a tangled, multilayered CF that’s just below the surface of your conscious awareness.

A Better Strategy for Subconscious Healing

So if talk therapy isn’t getting you to where you wanna be, what you need to do is instead of trying to bring things into your conscious awareness to talk about what happened and why, you need to leave things where they are.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Just leave things in the subconscious. Don’t go digging it all up.

Your mind and your body has dissociated and are blocking things out for a good reason. It’s actually a really good strategy to prevent crippling overwhelm

You might feel dissociated and numb about what’s happened to you in the past, and you can leave it down in your subconscious because the better strategy than bringing it up and feeling bad about it and adding another layer of complexity to your trauma –

Instead of bringing up the trauma, what you need to do is just leave it all where it is.

We need to come down into the subconscious, and we need to leave logic and language behind, because focusing on the past takes you out of the present moment.

So we’re gonna come down into the subconscious and work with it there so that you’re not even aware of what is happening because you don’t need to know.

Your brain can actually resolve your trauma without your conscious awareness, without your conscious mind getting in there and getting overwhelmed.

Things actually works better when we distract the conscious mind so that your subconscious is free to do what it knows how to do already.

So we both get our conscious mind out of the way.

Because if you haven’t been able to solve the problem with your conscious mind, there’s no way that anyone else (not even me) is gonna be able to solve your problems with their conscious mind.

So we’re gonna get both our conscious mind out of the way so the Superconscious mind can do what it does best.

How Brain Integration Automatically Processes Flashbacks and Intrusive Thoughts

That overwhelm that you feel when you think about the betrayal is actually what’s keeping your brain from being able to process and integrate what’s happened.

Integration is the neuroscience word for healing.

Integration is when your brain can take all the fragments, like all the flashbacks and the intrusive thoughts, those bad feelings that come out of nowhere.

When your brain is given the right conditions to integrate or connect all these pieces and put the puzzle together so that what happened can be complete, and can be filed away into the past, what happened will starts to feel further and further away every day.

Rapid Betrayal Trauma Recovery with Accelerated Hypnotherapy

The best way to do create the right environment for your brain to integrate is with Accelerated Hypnotherapy, where you don’t even have to talk about the problem.

I don’t have to know about the problem because it’s all in your subconscious.

We’re going to connect you with your Superconscious mind and all the resources to help your brain rewire.

Because your Superconscious knows exactly how to fix and make sense of everything that doesn’t make sense.

Your Subconscious knows everything that’s ever happened to you, all the things you remember, and all the things that you don’t even remember.

It knows how to get you out of the past and into the present moment so that you can actually be present for your life and you can access new possibilities for moving forward, moving forward.

You don’t have to remember to recover.

If this makes sense to you, drop a heart emoji in the comments, subscribe for more and like this.

I’ve put a link below, if you are ready to do something different to get a different result.

You’re one session away.

Let’s connect.

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